One of the core aspects of humanity is ‘relationships’- relationships with others and also with ourselves. Relationships can be a wondrous thing or a terrible thing! Stan Tatkin in his book ‘Wired for Love’ tells us that recent neuroscience studies show that we are ‘wired for warlike activities rather than love’, so it is no wonder relationships can be so difficult. However, there is good news . . . it is possible to reverse this. We can learn how to defuse conflict when it arises and build healthy relationships (if you are human then it will arise!).
Some of the important factors to learn/foster (as described by Tatkin) are:
- Relate as anchors or safe islands not as the enemy.
- Busy people use bedtimes and morning rituals as well as reunion rituals to stay connected.
- Partners should serve as the primary ‘go to’ people for one another.
- Reconnect anytime with eye contact.
- Learn to fight well
- Minimise the other’s stress and maximise the other’s health.
Often those in relationships can’t see their own blind spots and so this is where counselling can be of benefit. In a safe, non-judgemental and confidential setting those blind spots can be discovered and used in building a secure, healthy relationship.
Salvos Counselling offers a professional counselling service to anyone who is concerned about their relationship. Individual and couples counselling for relationship issues occurs across 13 sites in Eastern Australia.